Perfect/Imperfect

Moment of freedom

An Accident.

An accident,
Isn't always a bad thing.
An incomplete connect,
A broken swing.

Who said,
We need miles?
Two steps with you,
Were a million smiles.

This misunderstood,
One sided story.
Was a brilliant moment,
Of limitless glory.

Whoever called accidents,
A calamitous waste of time.
Never tasted that freak moment,
In which you were mine.

Shraddha.

27/08/2017

22:43

Civil Services Exam and Me, it's complicated.

It's like that one relationship that is meant to be. The two people who are meant to be together! But he just can't commit.

See, UPSC CSE and me, we've been together for years, well, on and off!

Trial Attempt 2010.
First, it was the phase of mild flirtation.. When you think he's cute. You like him and you are sure that he likes you too. So, you dream and dream of just waltzing into this pink phase with him. It's just perfect, and you know it's meant to be. So you just casually grab a cuppa chai with him and all others. And it doesn't work out. He doesn't seem like your kind. So you basically just drift away.

Failed preliminary, Attempt 2013.
So you go on with your life, have other friendships, a few promising dates (other jobs like mine in insurance) but you haven't forgotten him. You just can't…. there was something about him. So you muster all the courage that you have and ask him out. But it's a disaster, from the word go! It seems like he's not worth the effort. And months of mustering this courage is washed down the drain. And yet, your heart still yearns for just him.

2014, AFHQ, Reserve List.
So when he beckons, you meet him again. This time it's better. You have coffee together (preliminary) which is lovely, and then you take a long stroll by the beach which is tiring but fun, because he is with you (mains), and then you go for that movie together (interview). And it's a going really well with a few twists and turns, but the movie is lovely and it seems very promising!

Attempt 2015, ICLS
So, you sign up for another date. And it seems it might just be love. Yes, it's working out. This is the person you've been waiting for all along. And you think he loves you too. So, you want to explore a bit more! But he just stops short of giving you everything, and you understand. You want to give it more effort! Prove to him that you are the one!

Attempt 2016, IRS IT/IPS
So, you definitely go meet him again. It's smooth as smooth can be. He's charming and attentive, and you want to give him everything that he might want or need. So, you put in your days and nights into this relationship. You ignore your family and friends, they'll understand. And they do. They think that you two might actually be together, forever. So, they shower you with solitude and support. And you think, that this time he will ask you to settle down, no more efforts needed. This is it. He's the one. But. It seems he's just stopped a little short. He just, seems to have developed cold feet. Given you the shorter end of the stick. You feel he isn't giving you his everything although you are giving him your everything! You feel cheated...betrayed.

You think about all the other promising prospects that you left for this one. Many were there, with a ring box in their hands, kneeling down on their knees, ready to take you America or Europe and fulfil all of your hearts fantasies, (Other job opportunities, which were easier, offered you more salary and didn't require you to be stuck in a time warp, like this one is making you.) But all you cared for was this boy, who is now a man. But he won't give you everything he is capable of giving. Even though, you are giving him everything that you humanly can!

You contemplate. What next? You've been in this too long to just abandon him. Should you settle for this version of him or should you take the burden of this relationship on your shoulders and give it one last, full fledged trial?

Civil Services Exam and Me, it's complicated.

It's like that one relationship that is meant to be. The two people who are meant to be together! But he just can't commit.

See, UPSC CSE and me, we've been together for years, well, on and off!

Trial Attempt 2010.
First, it was the phase of mild flirtation.. When you think he's cute. You like him and you are sure that he likes you too. So, you dream and dream of just waltzing into this pink phase with him. It's just perfect, and you know it's meant to be. So you just casually grab a cuppa chai with him and all others. And it doesn't work out. He doesn't seem like your kind. So you basically just drift away.

Failed preliminary, Attempt 2013.
So you go on with your life, have other friendships, a few promising dates (other jobs like mine in insurance) but you haven't forgotten him. You just can't…. there was something about him. So you muster all the courage that you have and ask him out. But it's a disaster, from the word go! It seems like he's not worth the effort. And months of mustering this courage is washed down the drain. And yet, your heart still yearns for just him.

2014, AFHQ, Reserve List.
So when he beckons, you meet him again. This time it's better. You have coffee together (preliminary) which is lovely, and then you take a long stroll by the beach which is tiring but fun, because he is with you (mains), and then you go for that movie together (interview). And it's a going really well with a few twists and turns, but the movie is lovely and it seems very promising!

Attempt 2015, ICLS
So, you sign up for another date. And it seems it might just be love. Yes, it's working out. This is the person you've been waiting for all along. And you think he loves you too. So, you want to explore a bit more! But he just stops short of giving you everything, and you understand. You want to give it more effort! Prove to him that you are the one!

Attempt 2016, IRS IT/IPS
So, you definitely go meet him again. It's smooth as smooth can be. He's charming and attentive, and you want to give him everything that he might want or need. So, you put in your days and nights into this relationship. You ignore your family and friends, they'll understand. And they do. They think that you two might actually be together, forever. So, they shower you with solitude and support. And you think, that this time he will ask you to settle down, no more efforts needed. This is it. He's the one. But. It seems he's just stopped a little short. He just, seems to have developed cold feet. Given you the shorter end of the stick. You feel he isn't giving you his everything although you are giving him your everything! You feel cheated...betrayed.

You think about all the other promising prospects that you left for this one. Many were there, with a ring box in their hands, kneeling down on their knees, ready to take you America or Europe and fulfil all of your hearts fantasies, (Other job opportunities, which were easier, offered you more salary and didn't require you to be stuck in a time warp, like this one is making you.) But all you cared for was this boy, who is now a man. But he won't give you everything he is capable of giving him. Even though, you are giving him everything that you humanly can!

You contemplate. What next? You've been in this too long to just abandon him. Should you settle for this version of him or should you take the burden of this relationship on your shoulders and give it one last, full fledged trial?

Women's Day Conundrums.

Women's Day Conundrums.
March 9, 2017.

Women's Day celebrations bring new feelings every year. There are inevitably two sides, one pro and one anti Women's Day celebrations.

One side believes that Women's Day  celebrations actually do harm or at least no good. The messages sent out on Women's Day celebrate her as the the weak, fair gender. The messages recognize that she is brutalized and curse that, but at the same time promote gendered roles. Lionizing her as a devi, giver, one who completes the man etc. “We are lucky because she takes care of us.”

This year an actress was part of a video which showed how she is sick of empty promises, when there is no visible improvement in Women's positions on ground. A comedian made a video on the futility of this day. A good article was written about the fact that men can never be feminists because the latent benefits of patriarchy are too good to be given up and so the stakes are too high. So any feminist wishes on this day are bankrupt and a mere lip service.

One friend even went ahead to suggest that people forget the beauty of care economy in which mother's raise their children. He said, "People forget the valuable contribution of our mother but in our every success they are the real hero. Our father shows and guide us on the path but it is the mother who is walking down the path with us. That's why I believe that there shouldn't be just a single day for such contribution."

So what's the point of this sho-sha? I will answer that now.

1. For all the people arguing that Women's Day is just 'ek-din-ki-chaandi', Women's Day Celebrations is not about disregarding our women on all the other days. Please read the history of Women's Day! This day traces it's genesis to the day when 1500 women took out a protest march in New York for better working conditions as long ago as 1908! The February revolution of the 1917 Russian revolution began with a Women's Day celebration march. So please value this day for what it is.

2. Women's Day is not Mother's Day. There is a  Mother's Day for it and I'm sure your mum is lovely. And her love and sacrifices deserve celebration. But NOT TODAY. A women is not just a mother. She is a HUMAN BEING independent of her relationships to others.  And on Women's she is celebrated for that identity.
Stop praising women for being there for you on this day! Tell her it's okay if she isn't there for you sometimes.. it's okay that she takes time off. Please accept that women have responsibilities and restrictions and fears that you will never face. Women also accept that men have some unrealistic expectations and pressures. And realise that Women's Day is about both genders. Period.

3. Don't be rigid and expect that Women's Day celebration is only valid if all of Women's problems are over. Please be realistic and understand that we have a come a long from sati and child marriage and this is an ongoing journey and that there is no magic bullet. World Economic Forum has estimated that it will take 170 years to close the gender wage gap.. please don't make this celebration a prisoner of impossible expectations.

4. The most stupid, one-upmanship question viz. Why is there no men's day? There is. It's November 19. I will not waste any more characters on this. Google (the verb).

5. If it's still very hard for you to understand why Women's Day is celebrated. Or if you hate it a lot. Just do us one favour. Please keep quite for this day. Don't make Women's Day about yourself with your one-upmanship. It's not about you. We shouldn't spend Women's Day defending why we need a Women's Day. That's the reason I'm writing this on 9th March and not 8th.

I understand that empty whatsapp messages are pointless and mere symbolism. Also Women's Day is actively used to assign gender roles. I know, I know, both mother's and father's guide and both walk with us. And yet, I humbly submit, let the symbolism be. People who subscribe to symbolism will come around. How? By you calling out to their biases. These symbols help to bring our point home. They give a place to speak. Again and again and again.

Meanwhile your rational friends, men and women, are genuinely telling you today that we as a society have a come long way and will continue walking on this path which leads to equity and equality. Even if it takes a thousand years. We will take a step. Today.

Must be a guy thing....

Date : sometime in 2009!

Non- Mumbai people and non- abusers.. you may not like the this blog... You may want to steer clear!!

I've officially witnessed THE most bizarre fight EVER!!!
A fight ,I swear, I could never participate in!!!

Background for you.....

My dear sweet little brother, comes back from college but strays away from home without eating lunch.

As expected, my mum calls him a million times on his cell phone.
As expected, he repeatedly assures her: "Buss paanch minute".
As expected, he returns after an hour and a half, and 3 more calls.
As expected, he gets his 'THE' five minute lecture for the day.
As expected, she then stuff him with food.
As expected, he hits the bed, remembers his bag is left with a friend and calls him to please drop it home on his way back "A Shane(a Marathi word read smartass), lunch-box mein chaar(read four) theple(a Guajarati snack) hain, kha matt"
As expected, his friend drops the bag.

Just when you think nothing unexpected is going to occur on this day, his friend casually informs him that the lunch has been polished off by a third common friend.

O.K. now I understand that if you ask friends to not eat your tiffin, they HAVE TO!! AND they will...

But listen to what followed, my brother called the common friend.. and this is what he said..
"Kya hai Shekhar, kitna bhukkad(read hog) hai tu, saale tujhe kahha tha na maine. 
PAUSE Theple ki baat nahi hai,PAUSE yehi hain tere etiquettes. 
PAUSE Subah se marr raha tha use khane ke liye. 
PAUSE Aur ab ghar pe nahi bache hain. agar tu 1-2 khaata toh main fir bhi samajh jaata, tune chaaro kha liye. PAUSE achcha Paresh ne akele khaaye honge kyaa PAUSE saale chu**ye"

*I'd like to underline that he's just eaten a sumptous lunch!*

Me in the background "Kripa stop it! Kya kar rahe ho. Stop behaving so cheaply. Arrey, arrey buss karo"

He: "Kuch manners nahi hai tujhme. kaisa ghatiya insaan hai re tu ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE"

hangs up!

Me: "What is wrong with you? What was that? You’ve broken friendship with him for food!!!!"

He: "Who said I broken friendship with him. Let’s see if he calls back "

"what #it #meant# to# be,# will #eventually #be# a# memory#(his LP ringtone with vibrations)

By now my mouth is open the widest it can!!!

He: "Wo baat nahi hai. Salle tujhme tameez nahi hai! ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE". Hangs up!

And he goes back to sleep and is snoring after exactly three minutes!!

I have never ever even remotely seen such a fight in my five years at hostel. Sure, we hate to share sometimes. Maximum we do is back bitch!! The facade has to be smiling!! In the hostel you're going to the most food-deprived ever. Food from home comes second to only free food out there... But still we can never EVER fight like that!!

How can somebody have a fight over such a petty issue, with so much confidence and then sleep like a log!! The only other people I remember arguing over food were guys from my junior college they would becoming warring factions over everything from bits and pieces of vada pav to a sip of beer.

I guess that is how all guys sleep so sound! They say, what they feel and out loud!! To hell with what YOU feel about their behavior.. Must be peace of mind-zone, their brains!! 

Also guys never EVER "break a friendship", they simply fight like dogs and then come back together to snuggle like a litter of puppies!

What can I say.. It must be testosterone!!