Civil Services Exam and Me, it's complicated.

It's like that one relationship that is meant to be. The two people who are meant to be together! But he just can't commit.

See, UPSC CSE and me, we've been together for years, well, on and off!

Trial Attempt 2010.
First, it was the phase of mild flirtation.. When you think he's cute. You like him and you are sure that he likes you too. So, you dream and dream of just waltzing into this pink phase with him. It's just perfect, and you know it's meant to be. So you just casually grab a cuppa chai with him and all others. And it doesn't work out. He doesn't seem like your kind. So you basically just drift away.

Failed preliminary, Attempt 2013.
So you go on with your life, have other friendships, a few promising dates (other jobs like mine in insurance) but you haven't forgotten him. You just can't…. there was something about him. So you muster all the courage that you have and ask him out. But it's a disaster, from the word go! It seems like he's not worth the effort. And months of mustering this courage is washed down the drain. And yet, your heart still yearns for just him.

2014, AFHQ, Reserve List.
So when he beckons, you meet him again. This time it's better. You have coffee together (preliminary) which is lovely, and then you take a long stroll by the beach which is tiring but fun, because he is with you (mains), and then you go for that movie together (interview). And it's a going really well with a few twists and turns, but the movie is lovely and it seems very promising!

Attempt 2015, ICLS
So, you sign up for another date. And it seems it might just be love. Yes, it's working out. This is the person you've been waiting for all along. And you think he loves you too. So, you want to explore a bit more! But he just stops short of giving you everything, and you understand. You want to give it more effort! Prove to him that you are the one!

Attempt 2016, IRS IT/IPS
So, you definitely go meet him again. It's smooth as smooth can be. He's charming and attentive, and you want to give him everything that he might want or need. So, you put in your days and nights into this relationship. You ignore your family and friends, they'll understand. And they do. They think that you two might actually be together, forever. So, they shower you with solitude and support. And you think, that this time he will ask you to settle down, no more efforts needed. This is it. He's the one. But. It seems he's just stopped a little short. He just, seems to have developed cold feet. Given you the shorter end of the stick. You feel he isn't giving you his everything although you are giving him your everything! You feel cheated...betrayed.

You think about all the other promising prospects that you left for this one. Many were there, with a ring box in their hands, kneeling down on their knees, ready to take you America or Europe and fulfil all of your hearts fantasies, (Other job opportunities, which were easier, offered you more salary and didn't require you to be stuck in a time warp, like this one is making you.) But all you cared for was this boy, who is now a man. But he won't give you everything he is capable of giving. Even though, you are giving him everything that you humanly can!

You contemplate. What next? You've been in this too long to just abandon him. Should you settle for this version of him or should you take the burden of this relationship on your shoulders and give it one last, full fledged trial?