An Innocuous Message

Writing after a long time because I have been busy and lazy, and not been instigated. So the third thing changed recently. And so I type, despite the time crunch and the lag in schedules.

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What does one make of an innocuous forwarded message with a hint of latent sexism, send to a group, which is full of intelligent people? 

No one would react because:

A. They all know the person who sent it meant no harm. It’s a joke, where’s your sense of humor?

B. It wouldn’t make a difference even if they did. It’s just some unnecessary attention in a very very very very busy life.

But the trouble starts for me because I’m not wired to shut up. Even though I have my un-shut-up-ness quite under control now, for the two reasons stated above, it’s far from healed.

So the story goes that a random, at best, subpar joke is shared about how Kaveri is a woman’s name so wherever the river goes there is fighting, but Krishna flows quietly because its name is man’s name. The joke is shared with a disclaimer that it is not meant to hurt any ‘feminists’. I thought someone will at least point out saying that you probably shouldn’t share a joke which is not only inappropriate but might offend someone.

But no one did. And I know why. Because saying anything at this point may have two possible reactions.

1. Bullying: Statements like: “Why you got to keep on crying”, “where is your sense of humor?”, “girls/boys/you don’t have a sense of humor etc.”

2. Damage Control: On your behalf, with statements like: “Arey forget it, why you got to get involved in all this, you have bigger goals na.. Let it go..”

So there are basically two sets of people asking you to ‘adjust’, explaining that another’s insensitivity is not their fault because they didn’t mean it that way.

I did point out that the message reeked of bias. And both things did happen to me as expected. 

While in the whatsapp group I was labeled ‘Intolerant’ with statements like: ‘India it still intolerant’. And on personal chats by friends who said: “What are you doing yaar? Why can’t you be quiet like the others?”

It’s a very small issue. Just like other small issue I faced in training time of my old job, when a group of boys secretly clicked a picture of our trainer saying she was ‘hot’. I asked them to delete it saying that I would report them otherwise. How difficult is it to ask for a snap directly? No one refuses these days, they smile and pose. But covert clicking is a problem.

But these small things need change. So I talk about them or blog about them. Even at the cost of my time.

The ‘whatsapp joke’ issue blown out of proportion by me ended by one person apologizing to me on the behalf of the ‘samast purush varg’ viz ‘entire male category’ (literal translation). Well, another shallow statement which makes it important to point out that gender debate is NOT a male versus female debate. It’s the fight against placing men and women in fixed compartments, associating them with typical stereotypes for example: Where ever women got there is fighting.  Any gender can have those biases not just the male gender.

I know I know, I must pick up my fights carefully. But no one else is even pointing out the flaw of casual latent sexism. What am I to do?

And just FYI, Krishna is not even an exclusively a male name. The only major river in India which has a male name is Brahmaputra, as my teacher had pointed out once.